it is all a paradox

When.Its.Over

superdupertasty — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 10:39:47 +0000

I think what scares me the most would be the realistic stares of failure, the kind where u feel it breathing down your throat. Sometimes I do get that. That curve where it leads you to a dead end. Knowing that to be rich or poor is destined and its unalterable. God, i wish i could support evolution without my culture and bias getting the best out of me.

I mean so many of us read, study, crack ourselves up. Only for those whose parents own a bungalow or something stable to inevitably inherit possessions. Why? It’s easy to brandish off richness or financial stability when you have them, but when you don’t then the struggle is different.

I probably am at a phase where I am tired of certain things. Life’s no more about dreaming. I guess stressed, pressured and……

Well either way, I still think if life has no creative way of revealing any sign of improvement then I would still need to hope, and try to work it out somehow with optimism that I can at least die doing the thing I like to do with my personal caption of success.

On.A.Roll

superdupertasty — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 08:21:46 +0000

It’s bad enough to now understand that life now starts pulling on your heartstrings. The What Next question on your mind. And now finally your in that spot where it’s time for a career, time for some planning and to a more mature phase of life. Forced out into the world during childbirth and now forced out in to the world again by age. Waiting to be finally forced out out of the world by death. Seems that we never will be able to control our lives. The movie Gamer gives good thoughts on this, just that it sucked a little, Good concept tho.

I read Churchill’s “never give in” speech and currently am inspired.

I guess i rather try to allow imagination to run loose, rather than just affording that 9-5 job, with monotonous on my forehead.

The.Quiet.Coward.In.Silent.Despair

superdupertasty — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:47:33 +0000

It is very Asian to have a dysfunctional family. Not that I pride in this fact, as much as the fact that most dark-skinned Indians or Indian lookalikes would be stopped by a police for verification.

I would kind of pay tribute to my dad for this post.

I remember him as a man who would dominate a conversation. He would be that hound who’d just grab you by the leg and would make you cringe in pain. If he thought he was right on something, he would force you to believe what he said is true. And that basically you’re wrong. This would also include twitching his face, raising his voice and a whole spasm of repeated phrases. And you’d thunk that he would best fit as a psychologist and not a night guard!

But I also remember how my mom would dominate him. Or at least try to, with every ounce of strength she had, because to her and to us he was apathetic. I think we all thought alike simply because my mom had a way of “educating” us. Well we were enlightened later on in life though. To us he was a coward. We always forgot the good he did. We sort of questioned him, his motives and his “immature” behavior. And we simply forgot.

My dad retaliated to all of this by simply keeping quiet. To us, he became the quiet coward. Not knowing that he was the champ. Rather than moving into a caveman, he adopted the art of control by keeping absolutely quiet with a deeper dash of cool, calm and a don’t care attitude. So the question in the end was, was he ever that bad? or were we the bad guys?

You know, I dread the path my dad took and still takes. Waking up every morning to the horror that your life is nothing but a routine. I fear that my feet would grow perfectly into his shoes. And still today I would have to say my dad has come a long way. But deep down inside of me he will always be that quiet coward in silent despair, simply because when everything failed he couldn’t get his two feet to move the way he wanted to.

He lost everything, He lost himself.

The.Moving.God

superdupertasty — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 17:49:49 +0000

We can only comprehend what life chooses to disclose to us. Sometimes we can’t even understand why we pay for the things that are beyond our control; death for example. And the irritating part would be facing up to it, to create a coping mechanism. Such trouble.

I just ran through the Book of Acts. Luke is an embodiment of an earnest historian whose mission was practically to provide an account of the early expansion of Christianity. With any historical narrative or dissertation there would be the epic conclusion. And in its epic-ness, Luke concludes that Christianity grew and reached its destination; Rome the then capital of the world through the unconventional method of having it’s greatest superstar, Paul under house arrest waiting for a trial before the emperor. Tradition showers us with the fact that this would have led to his death in AD 65.

But how much could have Luke understood that the reactions towards Christianity was totally negative? How could he consider that it did meet its goal?

Simple. It was in the fact of a God that is on the move. A God that’s relevant. Abraham had to move about; a nomad’s life and guided through by the hands of God; a someone that guided him cross culturally. It was the same with the Israelites. The same with us too. The main game would be the longevity, strength that became the ultimate test if this God was undoubtedly real; and guess what he is.

The book of Acts provides us with the best aid to inform us that God is one who moves and has been moving. So must we. Despite our hardships; relevance must be what we cherish. It lasted till now; why not go with it. We were never in charge of creating a utopia. We were never were meant to use stone aged methods in dealing with people; Wilberforce was a good example and my personal stand toward the syariah styled canning used towards women.

So however perplexing life is, in the end the count would be how well we groove with this nomadic God. A God who wants us to move so that we could deal with our issues while moving closer toward him, and with him. Something that spirituality is all about. After all the beautiful poem began with God’s spirit moving above the waters.

Cheers to the movers. May we jive with the relevance, the relevant God.

Glances.

superdupertasty — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 08:00:18 +0000

I was at Masjid Jamek a few weeks ago. As I was returning from a fairly disappointing event (it sometimes pays to support those you know even enthusiastically), I stopped by the LRT station to purchase a ticket. Now as it was the line was getting shorter, my turn came. And before me was this tiny little Malay girl. After purchasing the ticket she quickly trotted to her mom but accidentally stepped on my foot. She gave me this honest stare and told me ” I’ m sorry.” Well it wasn’t a big deal so she went away but forgot her spare change. I called her and passed it her and she replied “thank you.” I watched her as she huddled back to her mother and her siblings. That was very familiar to me; she came from a low middle class family. The ones that typically permeate the area i live in. I was impressed that she spoke to me in English and I clear was reminded why we, a country should still be hoping. The answer was in the eyes of these innocent, daring and yet intelligent kids.

We all have a certain niche to being ethnocentric. Christ and the Bible reminds us about the tangent of not judging others and if so we would be judged with that same measure. Funny why should we uphold such quizzing remarks. On a regular day, we would or should beat the crap out of someone that puts us in any form of harm. But then we are told to act differently.

The Malays have always been a misunderstood people group. Our country has portrayed them; in my opinion unfairly. Not that we; Indians and Chinese are any better either. But this girl and a few of my Malay friends remind me that what the country brands them are not necessarily true either. How much did we blame the rural Malays for not wanting change in using English but the truth is I remember how enthusiastic these poor or low middle class people were in sending their kids off for tuition; ENGLISH TUITION. So now where is the real problem? Is it the fear of our own government that everyone one day would be educated and so propagate a historical equivalent of a reformation? and not the one that our political parties would hype up on?

However back to the not judging part. I mean imagine if we were branded or labeled or possibly not given a chance to change. The whole essence of Christianity was to have a bend towards allowing people to change for the better. And so we are constantly reminded that everyone of us is created in this image and likeness of God. And so in doing that we are naturally compelled to treat everyone equal; with equal rights to subjectivity and objectivity. However bad some may be, we should begin to look at those who have decided to change and to make this whole country a better place.

Dark.Night.Of.The.Soul

superdupertasty — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 13:54:38 +0000

I am always reminded that the journey we take is a paradoxical one. Sometimes I wonder what would God be to a young single mom or a deaf man, or maybe the beggar down the street or the DVD salesperson or even that girl who dances to techno tunes during the current Hungry Ghost Festival which looks like it was more for the sexually hungry men watching her. And to all understand that this is what life is and it is really happening.

I glanced through the popular book of Job. And Job to us is a very dear character. But Job tells all of us the harsh reality of believing in a God, contending with this God for answers and trying to make sense of our predicament. Many have told me that Job was this man of faith and that he was rewarded in the end for believing in God despite his sufferings. This is whats currently told about Job. And this was the interpretation for ages.

But Job was a man that needed answers. I noted that God didn’t answer Job for all its worth. Job marveled at creation and the infinite Creator God but his quest to why suffering was never answered. His rewards also weren’t because of his faith but because it was the idea of this God that allowed him to suffer.

And so Job leaves us with an epic story that in the end leaves the main core of question open: why me?

The Dark Night of the Soul was an idea of St.John of the Cross, a roman catholic mystic. And it’s a term that is used to describe the loneliness and desolation during this spiritual journey we undertake. You can download this on the net for more information.

I am constantly reminded of this Job and the moments of loneliness and desolation; my dark night of the soul as I try to wrestle with spirituality and God. Only to understand that I live in the hands of the same God that allows me to suffer and to live in fruitfulness, that same God that gives and takes away.

Job, a book dated older than then Genesis teaches us that we would finally have to deal with the contempt of having the dark night as a permanent phenomenon only until we finally meet God in person.

So we only still know in part and spirituality never was an intention to make us feel good or to make sense of the senseless. Spirituality today would attempt to give us the answer, Job finally ends without questions being answered.

so then till eternity.

cheers.

Late.Nite.Post

superdupertasty — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:18:34 +0000

Currently listening to: Kings of Leon- Use Somebody

I think we live in times of doubts, uncertainties, and questions. But this would be different simply because now we take our place on the front lines. 20 to 30 years from now the old farts will be gone. Question is what will we make of it?

Read both genealogies of Jesus in Matthew and Luke. Note the funny figures mentioned; Rahab the prostitute, Judah who had incest with his daughter in-law and Ruth the Moabitess. What irony. I feel this would be one reason I should believe in Jesus because his lineage was absolutely believable. Jesus was an absolute non-conformist. I like that. Sad why we always base our beliefs on one’s family status or current physical status. Sad.

I am beginning to believe enrolling in bible school is not one’s answer to spirituality. Funny why we are so feudal in our thinking, or atleast some of us. I guess it’s time to grow up. I think education just exposes us to the form, in the end it’s up to us to make the best of it. Well figures why some of my classmates are such a letdown and why they remain the same after all these years.

The church today? will be extinct soon. We never had substance in anything we did. Why when we are so apathetic, even a fish would die. But there will be a new wave of church, of people seeking something and sadly it will not be found in the thoughts, trends and activities of those who would conform to the methods today.

Its depressing to know the harsh reality of things. If ever you’re trying to interpret Revelations, do remember the countdown began when Jesus ascended into heaven. The end times has begun. That’s why we witness similarities though time and find it so hard to pinpoint when will it happen. Well even Christ couldn’t tell.

And finally, melancholically i conclude that you got to pick your friends. It’s funny how much a picture can tell when you and the one you hate say cheese in front of the camera. Who on earth would trust you? Don’t be hater if you’re gonna be a hypocrite. It’s so obvious. Stupidity.

And i think that I ought to continue my homework now.

Cheers

Random

superdupertasty — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:07:13 +0000

And so now you know where the good public speakers are. Its such a shame that we have loonies like this.



Renew.Transform: Merdeka Reflections
superdupertasty — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:22:17 +0000
i read this and this.
Now this is my journey so far in living at Pantai Dalam. I lived there practically all my life. I got accustomed to the blasting sounds of the azan as early as 5.45 am. It was so in tuned in me that whenever my alarm clock failed, the azan saved my neck every morning to wake up for school. I got accustomed to the cow cutting ritual on Hari Raya and the big kenduris they organize. I got invited to some of them too; since I am Christian it wasn’t a big deal. I got accustomed to the relious chanting and commentaries every night especially during Ramadhan; I have heard all kinds of topics spewing out of that speaker. I got accustomed to the one off’s racial fighting and chaos because one guy called the other guy belacan, babi or the other guy calling this guy keling. I have seen and experienced all of it.
31 August. We celebrate our independence or Merdeka. How much has 1 Malaysia, the current slogan that proposes a one nation vision going to work, if the mentality of the people are such as the article above? Alright, I admit that race and religion go hand in hand and we can’t separate that. But I just thought for once, that because we advocate religion, and that we are supposedly serving a BIG God, aren’t we supposed to be BIG in our thinking as well?
I live and grew in a Muslim community, I didn’t become Muslim. Islam did not appeal to me. So how much difference would it make? Even though there are legal issues and sentiments, but why should people use the name of God and utilize such tactics? Why if we should tolerate the building of only one religious landmark? why can’t we just let others be? But however I am reminded of the same trap I can fall in. Simply because I too advocate a religious identity with a bend towards the superiority and the Hitler like attitude.
But I do finally understand the tension of the “kingdom of God is in you.” Israel had a bent towards the temple. The temple symbolizes everything including ethnic and religious pride. But what the Christian Bible reminds me is simply the fact that religion or true religion does not lie in the hands of man neither is it in buildings. A building does not change anything. So my faith has to be larger than a building; more substantial so to say. The Christian’s duty to establish the kingdom of God here was not to be in political power or to enforce Christian values like how the Western Church and the crusaders did. It was by first understanding that religious devotion simply began with us by how we simple be that “salt” and “light”. By being unbiased in the way we follow Christ amongst others. And the whole eschatology of a theocracy can only be ushered by God and God alone.
I also do understand the tension of “love your neighbor” and “love your enemies.” My friend is a Muslim. I have no qualms about it. But I do understand would simply be the fact that I should tolerate my other friends. So what if they build a mosque or a temple or even a church? I do not need to repeat this sort of demonstration but all I need to do is to tolerate, to understand, to simply stretch forth a hand of hospitality to them. Period.
Religion is also by choice not constitution. I like that. Because I do not need to change party flags while being muddled in a religious affair. If its by choice it remains subjective. And that’s personal. And I think it will only make us look more “third-world” when we start to believe that political parties and religion go hand-in-hand. Funny. Because at the end of all that, I really did not understand if it was a religious issue or a political one.
So, Merdeka, are we actually truly free?

         


Making.Sense
superdupertasty — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:06:36 +0000
It’s 2.45am
Here’s what’s happening just outside my room:
*motorbike sounds
Rempit A: “wei jawabla phone, gua tak nak cakap la..”
Rempit B: “wei kat mana you ni, aku kat Pantai la, cepatlah bodoh, nak makan kat mane?”
At that same time i read this article.
I think the author did a fine job with highlighting an issue that transcends all races. Simply amazing isn’t it, that all of us have been baptized into a religion the day we were born and somehow we continue this baptism by ascetic means of religious worship and reverence.
When you ponder about the article, some would argue that I don’t fully comprehend the depth of the ramadhan fast. But all of us that advocate a religion would share the fasting experience. So I wouldn’t argue simply because arguing would be for 10 year olds. You know those ridiculous arguments you get into about religion and which one’s better? the one that never gets anything solved?
But what I do know is that the author got me reflecting on my own religious motives.  Martin Luther mentions about religion being a “heart experience.” I can’t agree less. I think with a “heart experience”, we move from “I got to do this, because if i don’t this will happen” to “I got to do this, because I am.” I do good because I am good, I care for people, because I am caring. We move from incentive award based people to just embracing a religious experience which is part of our nature and desire.
So I stand in hope for a heart experience.